BDSM - the secret of hierarchical sexuality and kink

Our sexual identity and desires are a result of a unique combination of personal unconscious and collective unconscious, a concept developed by Carl Jung. Personal unconscious represents all the information and experiences of our lifetime that have been forgotten or repressed but continue to influence our behaviour on an unconscious level. Collective unconscious refers to shared, inherited unconscious knowledge and experiences across generations expressed through universal symbols and archetypes.

Our experiences already in the womb have an effect on us. First thing to consider, we are literally a part of our mum's body and we are completely dependent on her. How profound an experience, spiritual experience of being part of something bigger that goes beyond us. That's how the start of our life is designed and conditioned. 

 How secure were our parents? How secure and protected we felt as little children? Did we experience loving body touch and affection? Today we know that skin to skin contact with newborns is important. 

Since we are born we are members of society. And society is hierarchically organised. Each of us is taking part in dominant and submissive roles simultaneously. We can be the boss over some circumstances but at the same time there are some other bosses above us that we have to calculate with. Some dominant forces can represent actual people (director, president , police officer) but other forces don't represent one specific person (legal system, financial system, nature).

Instead of the term DOMINANT I better like to use words like FOCUS and ATTENTION and instead of the term SUBMISSIVE I better like to use words like VULNERABILITY, SURRENDER. 

Imagine a situation where you are a pilot and your plane broke, some parts of the engine don't work and there's windy weather and you need to land and survive. The key qualities to resolve the situation are focus and surrender. Surrender to the things you can't have control over. For example the weather. Instead of fighting wind with already broken aircraft , surrender to and accept the weather. But be focused on things that you have control over. The engine and technical aspect of the aircraft, safety guidelines, etc. 

To feel secure enough to be vulnerable is an equal superpower to the ability of focus and attention to the detail and having things under control. Surrendering and focus are the key of mastering yourself and being more conscious of your subconscious instincts. In an ideal situation both should be in balance. It makes you more successful in your relationships, professional and personal. And also it gives you a better understanding of the dynamics of society we live in, more aware of healthy authority or toxic power. Aware of manipulation or healthy boundaries. 

A tantric massage itself is a journey of surrendering, introspection, submission to Self and overcoming self- restraint. Tantric massage combined with conscious BDSM and kink can be a great tool to explore certain sides of yourself, understand them and integrate them.

Rea is a writer and tantric masseuse with passion for conscious kink. She likes exploring both mind and physical plane to the fullest and can guide you through realms of discipline, tenderness and intensity. 

Beatha is an artist and tantric masseuse that focuses on a sensual domination that either focuses on sensation and pleasure\reward over pain and punishment.